Headline Ideas for South Carolina-UConn

By Rixon Lane

Monday night will arguably be one of the biggest games in the history of South Carolina women's basketball.

The top-ranked Gamecocks will put their 22-0 record on the line against the 2nd-ranked Connecticut Huskies at 8:00 p.m. 

With so many media outlets covering this matchup, I am staking my claim to the following headlines after the game's conclusion:

 

IF SOUTH CAROLINA WINS...

  • ONE AND FUN
  • CONN YOU DIG IT?
  • SAD HUSKIES, POOR HUSKIES, LITTLE BALLS OF FUR
  • DAWN OF THE EMPIRE
  • ALL THEY DO IS W1N
  • GE-NO! (only to be used if Geno Auriemma is ejected)
  • NO THEY CONN'T
  • ALL BARK, NO BITE
  • SNOW PROBLEM
  • UNBLEMISHED AND NOT FINISHED

 

IF SOUTH CAROLINA LOSES...

  • WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?
  • ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER
  • TWO AND BARBECUE 
  • DOG FIGHT (only to be used if there is a brawl)
  • SEE YOU IN APRIL
  • IMPERFECTION
  • SNOW PROBLEM (it's all about the inflection, people)
  • CONNQUERED

 

IF SOUTH CAROLINA LOSES DUE TO SHIFTY TIME-KEEPING METHODS...

  • FIGHTING GAME-CLOCKS