Pittsburgh Steelers: Mike Tomlin
Every time I see Mike Tomlin's face he's either enraged or making a "welp" face. It's kind of like an "oh well" face, except with more sadness and resignation to defeat. Here, this .gif shows it off perfectly:
See? It's very close to being expressionless, but there's a sense of loss that can be seen through his eyes. There's hurt in his soul. The guy has two Super Bowl rings and is pretty much set for life career-wise, though, so I'm not shedding any tears for ol' Mikey Toms.
San Diego Chargers: Antonio Gates
Another pick here that's for his own good, Gates needs to take a lesson from Tony Gonzalez, and end it while you're still on a respectable team. Remember, the Falcons were once a win away from reaching the Super Bowl, and Gonzalez was coming off a huge year. He decided to put off retiring for one more year to chase a title, but it was not to be. Gates is in the same situation now. He's coming off a rebirth year, receiving for more than 800 yards and racking up 12 touchdowns, the second-highest total in his career. That's a good way to end it, Antonio. Don't become the best receiver on a 4-12 team. There's no dignity in that.
San Francisco 49ers: General Manager Jed York
Oh hey, it's the idiot that kicked out Jim Harbaugh. Y'know the coach that led the team to the NFC Championship game the previous three years, including the Super Bowl just two years ago? It may have sounded like the 49ers had a bad season, but going .500 after all the injuries and suspensions is terrific, especially in the tough NFC West division. Harbaugh is an excellent coach, but egos get in the way. Not Harbaugh's ego, mind you, but Jed York's. The role of a GOOD GM is to put together a successful team without people knowing what you did or how you did it. You are supposed to be the anonymous chess wizard, winning match after match without revealing strategy... even if the strategy is to hire a world-class coach to get the most out of the players you drafted and signed. Jed York just beat himself at chess.
Seattle Seahawks: Marshawn Lynch
Well, if you're not going to use your best player on the one-yard line during the most important play in the most important game, then you really don't deserve that player. It's that simple.
St. Louis Rams: Sam Bradford
Ah, the bionic QB! That would be a cool title, if Bradford didn't have to be bionic due to the never-ending string of injuries he suffers every season. Even when he's healthy, Bradford isn't lighting up the scoreboard, and it's pretty evident at this point he's never going to fulfill the expectations that came along with being the first overall pick in the NFL draft. It's a shame, but that's how it goes in a sport where massive men are constantly slamming and tackling each other. ;
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Jameis Winston
This is a preemptive strike. The Bucs are poised to draft Winston with the first overall pick in this year's draft, especially with the news about the Eagles looking to move up to number two so they can draft Marcus Mariota. Don't do it, Lovie. This is only going to result in bad karma and an unfortunate stream of consequences that will ultimately destroy the somewhat-proud Buccaneers franchise. Also, name the last quarterback the Bucs drafted that actually worked out for the Bucs. Mike Glennon gets a grade of "incomplete", for what it's worth.
Tennessee Titans: Jake Locker
Basically copy and paste everything I wrote about Sam Bradford's injuries here. Nothing about the first overall pick, though. Locker's just an OK quarterback who gets hurt a lot, and I'm not even that sure about the "OK" part. Nobody's seen him play enough! Jake Locker is the Titans mystery man, and that's the wrong kind of man to have at QB. You want zero mystery with your quarterback. You want to know everything about him so you can structure the offense around him correctly. Jake Locker hasn't even taken part in the offense frequently enough to know what the offense looks like with him in it!
Washington Redskins: Dan Snyder
The guy is defending the use of the Native American's equivalent to the n-word as the mascot for his football team. This is a fact.