New Nicknames for Every Gamecock Starter (and then some!)

  • Damiere Byrd-man, Attorney at Law. Speaks for itself, really.
  • Dylan Dog, Dead of NighThompson. Am I going too far trying to mush together Night and Thompson>
  • Pharaoh Ramses Cooper. I particularly like this one because "Ramses Cooper" sounds like an awesome blaxploitation lead. And I took Ramses straight from The Ten Commandments.
  • Nick "Slick" Jones. There's a lot of people named Nick Jones. There can be only one Slick Jones.
  • A.J. Cann of Spaghettios. With meatballs!
  • Corey Robinson Crusoe, because he'll knock you into next Friday.
  • Clayton "Sputnik" Stadnik. He's outta this world! REGISTERED TRADEMARK COPYRIGHT ETCETERA 
  • Brandon "Blue" Shell. All you Mario Kart players know what I'm talking about.
  • Busta "Rory" Anderson. That's right, I'm reversing it!
  • Jerell "Jheri Curl" Adams. Man, imagine Jerell deciding to LET HIS SOOOOOOOUL GLOOOOOOOOOOW!
  • Mike "Dynamite" Davis. Very retro feel to this one, perfect for his "explosive" runs.
  • Brandon Wilds Thing. You make my heart sing. You run everything... groovy. Wilds Thing, I think I love ya.
  • "Junior" Gerald Dixon, and Gerald "Señor" Dixon Junior. Which one is which? Only they know. And also now one is from Mexico.
  • J.T. Surratth of Khan. Gotta get a little sci-fi up in here for my geek peeps. My geeps, if you will. Jeeps? Sure, why not.
  • Darius English Patient. It made a million dollars! And also won a million awards. Ralph Finnes strikes again! The guy's been on point for over 20 years. Ya can't argue with results. Wait, what are we talking about?
  • Bryson Tim Allen-Williams. The guy's got horsepower. HO HO HO HO HO
  • Brison "Just" Williams. Joke aside, "Just" is a very strong word. Holds weight. I could see it being a medieval name of some kind. Sir Just, of Columbia. A member of the Knights of the Willy B. Table.
  • Marcquis De Sade Roberts. I dunno, maybe he's got a kinky side. Look, it's a classy name. It's French for crying out loud!
  • T.J. "Hollandaise" Holloman. He's very saucy on defense, in my opinion.
  • Kaiwan "Taiwan" Lewis. The Taiwanese are a very proud people. He should celebrate them more. That's now his responsibility.
  • Skai Mo' B There. UP AND OOOOVER!
  • Sharrod "Sparky" Golightly. Sparky Golightly sounds like the best name for Sharrod if he ever became the first black NASCAR driver. Not that he has such a dream, but I'm just throwing it out there.
  • Jordan "Taye" Diggs. He should aspire to look as good as the star of The Wood.
  • Chris Lammon-Sage Butter Sauce. That would be delicious over a bed of noodles with some grilled chicken.
  • T.J. "Tori" Gurley. My personal favorite Gamecock receiver ever. The dude never dropped a single pass. The best possession receiver ever.
  • Kadetrix "Matrix" Marcus. Okay, I've been pushing this for a while, but it needs to be heard often and LOUD! LOUDLY! RAH! MATRIX!
  • Chaz Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. I love this game. Chaz Elder moves like a Khajiit assassin. Expertise in Light Armor, natch.
  • Landon Ardacity of Hope. Something something Obama something something juggalos something something Skynet.
  • Elliot French Fry. 'Cause he frenches ALL the babes. Boom.
  • Patrick Fish Fry. 'Cause he fishes ALL the babes. Bo- no, wait...
  • Tyler Bobby Hull. You can't ice this kicker, 'cause he's got ice skates. Ugh, what the hell was that? This article is so two thousand and late.